Revelation

imageMy life as a yoga practitioner and a yoga teacher in Malta was just a preparation for a real yoga which started when I moved from Malta to Taipei. It was a difficult move not only on the material plane. It was very challenging mental transition. From well-recognized yoga teacher to no-one-knows yoga instructor. From open hearts and hugs of many dear friends to loneliness. From easy and comfortable life to start-it-all-over-again. For a few years in Taipei my ego has crashed many times. Thanks to yoga and even more so to vipassana mediation I could recover with many new insights about myself as I really am – something behind all the beautiful images about myself which were created thanks to my loving students and friends back in Malta. Before, every time I mastered a new yoga pose or received another positive feedback from my student, my ego would get reinforced. Once I lost these ego-feeding sources, I had to re-evaluate my self-worth and self-image, finding new independent ways of feeling good about myself.
imageAnd then motherhood happened bringing new and even more challenging spiritual tasks, accomplishment of which required all these years of preparation in Malta (and before). The parenthood is the highest form of yoga, in my understanding. Parenting is more challenging than any other relationship since the responsibility for the outcome lies entirely on a parent. My son has been my most serious, deep, amazing, fun-filled yoga project from the time of pre-conception when his mantra came to me till today when we are struggling to nap on time not to get over-stimulated.
I am so very grateful for all these experiences, and especially for the “difficult times” which has given me so much stimuli to grow spiritually. I feel like I want to say: Keep it coming, Universe! But I have some fears inside, and also a desire to live a comfortable life with not too many challenges is quite strong in me. Well, this post is about my past, not my future. I might write more on my future in the future. It’s time to meditate now. Namaste!

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Yoga, love and motherhood.

There were three major events in my adult life that directed me to the spiritual path and shaped my personality and life. First was yoga. It has slowly and gradually transformed my body – relieving physical pain and ailments, then my mind – removing emotional garbage and revealing the bliss of mental peace under the constant chatter, and eventually, my soul – allowing for deep connection to the purpose of my life and my higher self. I’m, of course, not talking about yoga as only practice of poses but yoga in its deepest meaning of Union with its meditative experiences, the feeling of the energetic body and its currents, and ultimately as a conscious way of life.
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The second transformation has started when I fell in love – a true love that has been removing the edges of my ego and opening countless opportunities for self-reflection and self-growth. This real love has been showing like in a mirror my ugliest angles in order to remake them through presence and awareness. Becoming ONE with my husband has been a truly transformational experience as it gives no choice but to allow, embrace, forgive, and savour each moment whether it’s bitter or sweet.

The last and the most recent biggest change was brought to me through the amazing journey of motherhood: calling for a soul, embodying it, giving birth to it and now taking care of the new human being I call “my son”. To know by experience what unconditional love means, one must become a sage or a parent. The latter could be easier but for me it’s connected to a huge responsibility to be the best person I’ve ever could. What can be a better opportunity for self-improvement then knowing that the little person you love the most in your life will copy everything in you including your worst unconscious patterns? Along my teaching and coaching past I’ve met way too many people with pains and problems all rooted in their childhood. Will I exaggerate saying that 99% of all problems are related to our relationship to our parents? The desire to bring up a healthy and wholesome being simply forces a loving parent to become a better person. It’s still a very new adventure for me but my son Veda has been the greatest teacher I’ve ever had. The spiritual potential that parenthood withholds is amazing. And I’m looking forward to seeing what’s coming on the next page of my story.
Life is beautiful! I’m so grateful for it all!