The Benefits of Compassion (by Dalai Lama)

Quote

“The first beneficiary of compassion is always oneself. When compassion, or warmheartedness, arises in us and our focus shifts away from our own narrow self-interest, it is as if we open an inner door. It reduces fear, boosts confidence and brings us inner strength. By reducing distrust, it opens us to others and brings us a sense of connection to others, and sense of purpose and meaning in life”.

His Holiness Dalai Lama

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The Way to a Happy Marriage

Celebration time – it’s been 7 years since I’m married! I am certainly not an expert on a man-woman relationship. After all, it’s only 7 years. But somehow I feel that if we’ve made it through these 7 years of marriage, and came out even more in love and in tune with each other than before we tied the knot, maybe it’s worth sharing a few points with those who are in love and want to keep it up.
I have to admit that for the first years of our life together (which coincided with the first years of our marriage, as we jumped into it barely knowing each other) we constantly argued and fought our way to happiness. Now when I look back, I don’t even understand how we survived through these intense times filled with blame, guilt, anger, grievance and hurt. But look at us now! People often think we are just dating, or have married recently. No one believes we’ve been together for so long. So what’s the secret of keeping it gentle and perky?

Other than loving each other, it’s primarily important to have determination to stay together, no matter what. I am lucky to have an example of my parents who are still together after 40 (!) years of their married life. So from childhood I’ve always thought I’ll be married once and forever. If one enters marriage with the mood of trying it out, «to see if it works», the divorce is guaranteed. Every couple goes through many troubles and hard times, and that’s where determination makes a huge difference.

Not less important than determination is our willingness to change, to constantly work on ourselves. And this starts with learning about yourself through your loved one. That’s why we come together, I believe, a life after life, we use our partner as a mirror that perfectly (and permanently!) reflects all we have to show. And if we might know of our pleasant sides, or love to find more of them at any time, we commonly find it difficult to accept our shortcomings, especially when this awareness comes through someone who is so dear to us. However, the moment we get closed for self-improvement, we jeopardise our marriage. Accept where you are, and do your best to become a better husband/wife.

The rest is just common sense but many of us are far from doing it. (Excuse me writing only about the way you should treat HIM, it works the same way in relation to HER (in case you are a man and reading it))

  1. Try to please you loved one! Don’t you love him? If the answer is yes, the truth is – you can only be happy when he is happy.  So make him happy, it equals to making yourself happy!
  2. Don’t expect him to make you happy. In fact, just don’t expect anything. Period. When there are expectations, there are disappointments. Wouldn’t you rather be surprised with something nice, than expect it and didn’t get it?
  3. Find joy in your family responsibilities. Transform it into your love meditation in action. May everything you do for your partner remind you of your mutual love. Serving him equals making him happy, which equals…? If you didn’t get the answer, look at point 1.
  4. Make him your best friend. Trust is crucial in any relationship, especially in such intimate one as with your life partner. Talk about what matters to you (any thoughts, desires, dreams) and ask your partner advice on all you do. Also listen closely when your partner shares with you his heart, and never betray him by talking about it with others (unless he advised otherwise).
  5. Never complain about your loved one to anyone except those people who can help to see the solution. Judging your loved one behind his back never brought anyone happiness. Instead why not try and see positive things in your relationship? Then talk about those things and make them bloom!
  6. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said: «Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction». Dream your future together, make time (and mood) to talk about things that make you both thrive so you can choose and agree on direction that you are moving towards.

I didn’t realize I’ve got so many points, and I could have continued:) But that’s all for now.

Well, just one more point – if at any time you’ve got a desire to do something opposite to recommended above, please stop and ask yourself:  Is at this moment the amount of ego in me is overpowering the amount of love?

That’s what love is all about. Loving someone as yourself. Or even more! To be able to truly love (yourself or someone else), you must put aside your ego. (How to? that’s a long topic for another post). But dealing with the ego is absolutely essential to finding your true self and your true love which lasts «happily ever after».

Namaste! Here is my first blog:)

Namaste to all who is reading my first blog:)

I’ve been considering blogging for a long while (almost two years?:), and I’m finally doing it. Yeay!:) Today is happened to be 12/12/2011, quite an interesting date. Recently we’ve had many special dates – 01/10/11, 10/10/11, 20/11/2011, 01/11/11, 11/11/11, and all of them have a specific meaning and therefore a task to perform. Honestly, I wasn’t able to “celebrate” all of them, though I believe in numerology and the fact that each number has a particular vibration and some special energy. But today is different to me –I’m doing it!

A few days ago, I saw a friend’s post on FB about the 12/12 alignment with an attached article on Divine Forgiveness and Divine Union. The part on forgiveness has clicked with me. It is something I’ve been working on for a few years. I’ve been receiving the message of forgiveness many times recently, so it feels like it’s time to finish the work! No, it is not that I have some enemies, or I hold a grudge against someone. In my case it’s more about forgiving my-Self! I haven’t killed anyone but I’m sure in some cases I could have done better… And don’t we all criticize ourselves for not being good enough, not doing enough of good things, or doing too much of bad stuff? Some people might take it easier but my «inner critic» is a strong guy, and I’ve spent much time and energy confronting him (yes, it’s him, not her:) i see him as a middle-aged man in a black suit:).  I was lucky to get help from my mentors and friends; I used Emotional Freedom Technique, Shamanic Healing, and hours and hours of meditation to get to where I am now at. However, I feel it’s not over yet. Tonight I’ll do an important step to say final «good-bye» to that unloving part of myself that holds me back from letting go of all past «mistakes» and embracing the now with openness and joy that will lead to an abundant future.

“Forgiveness” doesn’t require much effort at it is not an action. It is simply stopping of blaming someone or yourself for something. Since blaming requires energy, and forgiveness is the stopping of this action of blaming, it actually is easier to forgive than to continuously be blaming another or yourself. So all I need to do is to relax, take a deep breath in, breathe out and forgive! Then the energy that was held to feed my inner critic and the space taken by this guy who lacks compassion will get free! Yep, that’s it! Tonight is the night! Thanks to blogging I made this final decision. I’ll do it the moment I finish my writing.

Farewell my inner critic! Your space will be taken by a loving rose-cheeked woman with an open heart:)

Zoya Lu

http://www.zoyayoga.com

12th of Dec 2011